Being A Parent....

What does it mean to be a parent? When I was a child, whenever I did something to hurt my mum's feeling, she would say, "wait until you are a parent." Sound like a warning, isn't it? Well... true enough. When you are a parent, you actually know and realize the feelings that your parents went threw when we did something that they did not approve.

When my children were young, those feelings of hurt did not actually hunt myself or my husband. We always tell ourselves that they were children. They were allowed to make mistakes. But now when the children are all grown up, those feelings have changed totally. Same mistakes that they made when they were small did not hurt our heart as much as now. Now... whenever they raise their voices to me can mean a lot and cause a lot of hurt. Did I feel this way before? Nope!

Just now, I received a phone call from my niece. She was telling me about her older sister who is almost 30 years old, treating her mum (my sister). I was so shocked. I could not imagine how insensitive children can be to the extend that I told her to ask her sister to get out of the house. She is treating a mum like a "maid". Even I did not treat my maid like that. She is rude, seldom give her hand to help her mother in the house and she expect her mother to clean, cook and do everything in the house. How can a child that we have brought up with love and caring can grow up to be so ungrateful?

Children need to understand. It is not easy to bring up a child. When you had your first baby, everything is trial and error. With the pressure in the office, from your husband, form your in-laws and from everyone around you, everything that you did were trial and error. You hope and pray that you have done the best for your children. If your parents are not around to support you, the pressure is greater. If the children are born a year apart, the pressure is worst! You really have to struggle. The nights that you did not have enough sleep, the days that you can't take a break and the moment you can't even take a bath. Only a parent will understand the situation.

Children out there.... be grateful with your parents. I wish I can still tell my parents how much I love them. I was never closed with my mum but I tried my best to be a daughter that she wanted. I have obeyed her wishes throughout her life... including marrying the guy that she wanted. Some people might not understand my relationship with her. Even though I might not be like my sister's relationship with my mum, I love her very much. I wish I had the opportunity to take care of her when she was in her old age. But she refused when ever I asked her to be with me. She wanted her freedom and to be with her friends. She told me she was bored when ever she was in my house. Everything would be done for her. She wanted to do what ever she liked... something she felt that she would not be able to do if she was in my house. I promised myseld that after she came back for her hajj, I would want her to be with me. In fact, when my husband and I built our new house, we have taken that into consideration. But... I could only plan but ALLAH knows best. My mum past away while performing her hajj.

My mum and me

I still miss her. I miss the small talks that we had. When ever I felt like talking to her, I would just pick-up the phone and dialled her number. There were a few times I did that after her death. Once I realized she is gone, I slowly put down the phone and my eyes will be covered with tears. I dreamed of her a few times after her death. Everytime I met her in my dream, I would hug her tightly and she would kiss my cheeks. During the first months of her death, I would always dream of her but now, she appears less and less in my dreams. Before she passed away, she asked me what do I want from her. All her other children have asked various things from her. I told her, "I don't want anything more from her. She has given me enough. What I want is her happiness. " She just smiled!

Parents only think of their children happiness... How many children actually think of their parents happiness? I wonder.....